Someone once said, “You don’t have to know where to start, you just have to start.”
So, let’s start here, today, as the sun peaks slightly over the adjacent rooftop. There’s a crisp chill in the air and the view from my window is delightfully unfamiliar. As I sit, in an attempt to process all that has happened in these last few years, I will be careful as to not overwhelm the ear.
Much has changed. Life has changed. I have changed.
Looking back, it all seems quite surreal. Many hardships pummeled me all at once, including coming face to face with my own mortality. The word overwhelmed doesn’t even begin to describe it. Imagine, everyday, just barely dragging yourself across the finish line, completely and utterly drained. I was sinking slowly, falling, drowning, fading…disappearing. I couldn’t control the storm. In one of my lowest moments I recall telling God, “Okay! Okay, I’ll, take all of these L’s with grace, because when this is over, that’s how I want you to drop all of my blessings…BACK TO BACK TO BACK TO BACK!” Y’all, I said it “with my chest” too because I meant it, and so…I let go.
I watched as everything came crashing down around me. Life, love, health, career, all crashing down at once. I felt myself there hanging…suspended…in a dark space of nothingness…a place of self-preservation…on auto-pilot if you will. I began allowing things around me to move as they were purposed, I realized that in that very moment, I couldn’t stop anything from happening. What I could do however, was change the way I allowed those things to affect me. Instead of focusing on what I could see in my current state I became intentional about what I wanted to have, how I wanted to feel. Were there breakdowns? Absolutely, however, my focus remained the same. My physical and mental health became top priority, which led to finally having the procedure that essentially saved my life. Which is where we left off in my previous post, right?
Well, being my first surgery ever, the idea was to have the procedure, take 2 days off to recover and get back to work! Chiiiiiiile. LOL. Let’s all have a laugh at that! I soon realized it would be a slow process and in that I decided to take my time. I allowed myself a period of grace and in that period I was able recalibrate to life, to experience life without illness (the big one), to focus on physical rehabilitation, to find a place of peace, to laugh with family, find a new routine, challenge myself, focus on my mental health (another really big one). We don’t often consider the devastating effects poor physical health have on a person’s mental health, yet, THAT is a conversation for another time.
Now, remember what I told God while I was ever so gracefully taking those L’s? I wish you could hear my southern accent when I tell you this but, chiiiiiiiile, let me tell you…He DID NOT DISAPPOINT! It was so surreal, once those blessings started rolling in they did not stop. Life has definitely changed for the better. I find gratitude in every single day, even the crappy ones and I love that for me! *light chuckle* Life isn’t perfect but it’s GREAT and worth living to the fullest!
I toiled, as I often do, about being so open, thinking that business and life should be so separate. However, I feel as though we are more well-connected. You are here for reason as am I and I appreciate you sharing this space with me. I am pleased to experience the truth of “Your vibe attracts your tribe.” A group of supportive, loving, intelligent, stylish, witty, and shining souls...it’s all delightfully overwhelming.
Thank you for all of the love, loyalty and support! I’m excited to reconnect!
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